Tuesday, 11 September 2012


The Ugandan Lottery HQ where the draw was believed to have taken place
A couple from East Sussex were overjoyed last night as they won the Ugandan Lottery.

Mr and Mrs Arndale from Pevensey Bay in Eastbourne scooped the jackpot of £4004024820.80 Ugandan shillings, believed to be in the region of one million English pounds.

The delighted couple who have been married 31 years couldn't believe their luck when they opened an E-mail telling them they had won the jackpot. "I didn't know whether to believe it at first", said an overwhelmed Mr Arndale, "I shouted to Shelia and told her to come to the computer and we both checked it over and over to make sure we had actually won, when we were both satisfied we entered our details in to the form given, including bank account number and sort code, then sent it off to the Ugandan Lottery HQ, me and Shelia then partyed the night away in celebration, before informing everybody the next morning".

Astonishingly neither Mr or Mrs Arndale can remember even entering the Ugandan lottery and said maybe it was a blessing in disguise. "I can't remember doing it and nor can Shelia", joked Bill aged 65, but sometimes life's like that, we weren't thinking about it or expecting anything and then suddenly one day you check your junk mail and bang, your life's changed forever".

Mr and Mrs Arndale are believed to be the first couple to claim the Ugandan lottery jackpot, although according to a source there are many outstanding claims all across the UK, which may lead to a mass panic to check junk and deleted E-mails.

When asked what the couple are going to do with their new found fortune, Mr Arndale said "A soon as the money is in my bank account, which I have been informed is any day soon, I will be booking a holiday for me and the wife, might even visit Uganda to say thank you".

Unfortunately nobody from the Ugandan Lottery HQ were available for comment, as the contact number we had was not recognised.

Tuesday, 14 August 2012


People went nuts for Bond on ITV
ITV bosses will be rubbing their hands with glee as rating's over the last two weeks have almost certainly doubled. The doom and gloom of yet another British summer spent indoors due to rain has been astonishingly lifted by some truly wonderful television by ITV.

August 2012 and the rain was falling heavily and all around were sullen faces. This threatened to be another summer washout stuck indoors watching mainly rubbish TV. Not if ITV were to have anything to do with it. The programmes and scheduling over the last fortnight have being nothing short of amazing, they have lifted a nation and made them believe anything is possible again, with positive and inspiring television.

One particular day ITV treated their viewers to a feast of television gold, this day was Saturday August 4th, which is now known as Super Saturday by viewers. First at 3.10, was the Bond classic Moonraker, Britain's best loved secret agent James Bond, played by Roger Moore, goes in to space to fight baddies with the whole country cheering him on. Following on from this was Agathe Christie's Marple and by this point most of the nation were on the edge of their seats as they watched in anticipation of how Marple would solve the case. If anyone did have plans to go out or watch anything else, these were soon to be abolished as at 8pm ITV pulled out their masterstroke in Midsomer Murders. This was gripping from start to finish as Barnaby and Jones eventually finished first in their race for the killer, but boy was it close.

ITV have recieved many plaudits over the past few weeks for their programmes and Twitter has gone mad praising the channel for organising such a difficult schedule. Housewife Jessica Redfearn paid tribute to ITV for making the last two weeks special for her and the family. "I can't praise ITV enough, the coverage has been uplifting for all of us, that Saturday was amazing, all the family came over and we had a great night, Granny and Grandad loved it and so did the kids, there was something for everybody". When asked what effect it has had on people in general Jessica added. "You just have to walk down the street and people are a lot friendlier and as for my kids all they are talking about is Midsomer Murders and Miss Marple, they want to grow up to be detectives and I sure will be proud if they do so".

The ITV have received millions of Tweets in the last few weeks, all of which were positive. Here is a small selection from some famous celebrities.


Wow what a few weeks of television, thanks ITV without you my summer would be ruined.


What can I say, truly remarkable, I will never forget these last two weeks of telly, that episode of Jeremy Kyle last Tuesday morning was the highlight for me. Keep up the good work ITV.


Gutted I missed super Saturday as I was running the 10,000 meters, but made sure it was recorded. Just watched Midsomer Murders and was filled with emotion when they caught the killer. Gripping stuff.


Just cracking stuff from ITV, really flying the flag for this country with classics such as Midsomer Murders and Agathe Christie, makes me proud to be British.


With the success of Daybreak and then working alongside Gareth Southgate and Jamie Carragher for the Euro's, I'm in no doubt I made the right choice to switch to ITV.

Wednesday, 18 July 2012


The Olympics Games being held in London starts in just over a weeks time and the whole country has gone completely mad for it. In workplaces, pubs and prisons all across the country the talk has been non stop. Down the local parks, kids everywhere are now playing Badminton, Pole Vault and Handball and millions upon millions have been researching all the facts they can about the Games, so they can brag to their mates about what they know. Here are some facts for your own portfolio.

Hercules during the Olympics
The Olympic Games were first invented by the Greeks in 776 BC and were originally known as the Ancient Olympic Games, until Hercules and co-creator Zeus changed it to just The Olympic Games in 804 BC, as they felt it needed modernising.

Hercules, later had a film and television series made after him, but none of these ever featured a current Olympic event.

The marathon is a long distance race which lasts up to 5 days and was the only Olympic event that had a chocolate bar named after it. This delightful chocolate, caramel and nutty snack was traditionally awarded to the winner of the event every four years along with their gold medal, this however was stopped in 1992 after men's winner Hwang Young Cho had a severe nut allergy and was rushed to hospital. Cho survived the incident but the Marathon bar didn't and they subsequently went out of business.

Before the hurdles were introduced in 1896, athletes would have to just run a straight race without jumping over anything, so hurdlers such as cheeky Welsh chappy and ex silver medallist Colin Jackson would have had to run normally or go home.

Jamaican Usain Bolt currently holds the world record for the 100 metre sprint, recording a staggering time of 9.58 seconds, that is 0.04 seconds faster than a cheetah.

Phelps loves mash
American swimming champion Michael Phelps would let almost nothing stand in his way to acquire the fifteenth gold medal of his career this summer, but there is one thing that he wouldn't give up for a gold medal and that is mashed potato. Phelps just can't get enough of the whipped up potato and is said to have it with almost anything. So if it came down to it, Phelps would not be swapping his mash for gold.

London is the first city to host the Summer Olympic Games that begins with the letter L. Apart from Los Angeles in 1932 and 1984.

The Olympic Games are no stranger to a bit of cheating and a number of athletes have been found guilty of drug taking over the years. Performance enhancing drugs are not the only means of cheating though, at the Montreal games in 1976 Soviet Union's Alexandria Drotenkov was accused of missing out the cycling part of the Triathlon, going straight from the swimming to the running. Officials became suspicious when Drotenkov crossed the finish line still in her bathing costume and an hour and a half before the other competitors. Drotenkov was stripped of her gold medal and banned from the event.

Also at the Seoul Olympic Games, South Korea, 1988, table tennis competitor Wai Yu So Dum of China was found guilty of bringing his own table and using the extender on his opponents side. It wasn't until near the end of the first set his opponent, 18-0 down, noticed something was wrong and complained to the officials.

And in Beijing 2008 Britain's Tom Daly was accused of diving.

 In Athens 2004 British marathon runner Paula Radcliffe became the first athlete to take a dump during an event. Taking a piss however is a lot more common, especially in sports such as synchronised swimming, water polo and judo.

The pole vault isn't an event for Polish competitors, it is in fact a track and field event where a competitor uses a long, flexible pole to try and propel themselves over a bar, but Polish people can take part.

Overall there are 26 sports being featured at London 2012. Originally there were 29 sports, but the egg and spoon race, beer pong and dwarf chucking were dropped after it was voted down by the do gooders at the IOC.

How London 2012 opening ceremony may look
Ex javelin champion Tessa Sanderson was always accused of having a sting in her tail by her opponents, a bit like a Scorpio would, but amazingly Sanderson was born on the 14th March making her a soft and gentle Pisces. Which must mean all that astrology stuff is nonsense. 

The opening ceremony at the Bird's Nest stadium in Beijing 2008 has been voted the best of all time. This performance featured spacemen, a flock of doves, fairies and thousands of fireworks and was performed by over 15,000 people. London 2012 is set to include NHS nurses and the countryside. Other possible themes are knife crime, traffic congestion, queuing, anti-social behaviour and rain.