Wednesday, 28 September 2011


The BBC have controversially decided to broadcast junior cage fighting on popular kids channel CBeebies. It is set to take the place of prime time hit show Zing Zillas and has already raised questions from alarmed parents.

A spokesman for the BBC explained this bizzare descision saying that it is a risky move, but eventually parents will come round to the idea. He added "There has been alot of negative comments about Junior Cage fighting and the dangers it involves but it is refeered properly and striking is not aloud. We see it as a way of educating children from an early age that life is not going to be all about playing with toys and dancing around in meadows, it's difficult out there and you don't want to be growing up thinking everyone is nice and friendly, because there not".

Parents are so far suprisingly split on the idea, 32 year old Alan Walker though is disgusted with the BBC's choice and demanded strongly that they re-consider they're approach or face losing thousands of viewers. "Im absolutely sickened they could do something like this and I will be writing a letter of complaint, I mean what kind of world are we living in, how could they take off Zing Zillas I was really starting to get in to that show".

Single mother of six Karen Thompson, 21 is in favour of the idea, she said" It's good for my youngsters to learn a bit about this sort of thing, I mean my youngest Kyle is far too soft at nusery and often misses out on playing with his favourite toys, so if he can learn some moves all the better for him".

Only last week a Preston social club came under fire for staging a cage fight for lads as young as eight, but it seems the BBC have seen a market in child thuggery, whether it pays off or not remains to be seen. 

Friday, 23 September 2011


Producers of the ITV soap Dale Farm have sensationally decided to continue filming scenes even though hundreds of travellers have set up camp on their land.

Filming for the show which is screened 5 nights a week had previously been suspended while travellers and protesters fought to stay. Cast and crew were relieved last week as bailiffs moved in to try and evict them, but at the last minute travellers obtained a court injuction to stall proceedings.

Stuart Blackburn who's descision it was to carry on filming said, 'It's not ideal to film scenes in this situation, but we had no choice but to carry on. We had to compromise with the Travellers so what we have decided to do is have a storyline where Dale Farm is taken over by the gypsies, basically exactly what's happening in real life'. Most of the scenes will be dictated by the travellers, so the script will be limited. We hope this is only a short-term solution'.

The filming started earlier today and actress Emma Atkins who plays Charity Tate in the soap was there to tell all. 'We all felt a little intimidated by the travellers at first, but as the day wore on we found them to be quite good company, there was a low point as some of them trashed the Woolpack pub when they realised we didn't serve real alcohol, but on the upside the drives of the houses are looking really nice'.

The fight for travellers to be evicted is set to rumble on well in to next week, but maybe Dale Farm won't mind after they were impressed with some of the acting they saw, even suggesting that 4 of the travellers could land permanant roles as The Dingle's extended family.

Monday, 19 September 2011


Reports this morning indicate more turmoil at Arsenal as troubled boss Arsene Wenger is believed to have dropped his toast butter side down in the club canteen. Players and staff looked on in horror as the Frenchman tried desperately to hold on to what he had, before it slipped from his grasp.
To add to this ordeal Wenger had earlier turned up an hour and a half late for training after his car wouldn't start.

A member of staff who asked not to be named witnessed the incident and said 'It's all going wrong for Arsene at the moment, and today was the worst of all Monday mornings after a rough weekend. First he was late because his car wouldn't start, which is ironic as the lads have been on at him for ages to get a new motor, but he just won't spend the money. Then to top it all he goes and drops his toast in front of everyone in the canteen. He tried to blame someone else for it, but at the end of the day he had to look to himself as to why it happened. Six years ago that would never have landed butter side down, luck has certainly turned against him'.

Wenger is enduring his worst spell as Arsenal boss on and off the field. He lost his two best players in the summer and now even his toast wants a move away. The Gunners defensive problems have also been highlighted after conceding 14 goals in 5 league games, and calls for a defensive coach are evident from the Arsenal faithful.

Wenger is said to be reviewing the situation and Pascal Cygan and Igor Stepanovos are being cited as possible candidates.

Saturday, 10 September 2011


Here is a selection of e-mails on events of the past week.

The judges on this years X factor are shit compared to last year and everything is Tulisa this, Tulisa that, what’s so special about her, walking around as if she owns the place.

C. Cole, South Shields

I find it deeply offensive that Iain Duncan Smith has come out and said that gangs were at the centre of the violence during the London riots. I am part of a gang and had nothing to do with it!

Billy (The Blade) Edwards, London

How about when it gets down to the final 8 contestants of ITV game show Red or Black, it should then turn into X Factor with those 8 remaining singing on the live shows, regardless of whether they can or not. Now that’s entertainment.

Paul, Essex

I hate transfer deadline day in the Premier League, it’s so frustrating you hope and pray that something good is going happen and it never does, I stayed up until midnight just hoping a big deal would be done, but ultimately was left disappointed. Oh well I guess it’s another season of mediocrity.

G. Cahill, Bolton

If only there was a pot luck, leave it to chance way to decide if Nathan Hageman should give his winnings back to the game show Red or Black.
William, Dumfries

Thursday, 8 September 2011


Geordie comic Sarah Millican has caused uproar amongst telly addicts by failing to appear on television for over a week.

The whereabouts of Miss Millican are unknown and police have begun a search to find her and get her back on our screens as soon as possible.

Investigating Officer Simon Reynolds of the Metropolitan Police said,

“We believe the frequency and pressure of her television appearances has led to Miss Millican going into hiding”

“We would advise the public not to approach Miss Millican as she may be highly emotional and could be prone to outbursts of high pitched screeching”

Millican Spotted.

Sarah Millican is believed to have been sighted in a well known bakery in South Shields.  Mr Gregg, manager of the well known bakery, told us,

“She came in the shop in quite a state and demanded that I put 8 out of 10 of everything in a carrier bag, and then she legged it without paying. She looked like a woman on the edge, I wouldn’t have wanted to get in her way!”

Disgruntled fans of popular TV panel shows, such as The Marriage Ref and Mock The Week, have piped up to have their say.

Avid watcher, Gary Henderson lamented: “They say you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone, I didn’t ask for her to come into my life via various panel shows, but she is a part of me now and I need her back.”

The search continues.