HAVE YOUR SAY!

Here is a selection of E-mails on events of the last week


"Well that's Bin Laden and Gaddafi down, just need to find Piers Morgan now".


Paul Beauchamp, Gloucestershire


"I can't believe they're even considering scrapping relegation from the Premier League, what a ridiculous idea. What will these idiots come up with next, let me guess no promotion to the Premier League".


Stuart Downs, Brighton


"I hear Westlife are planning a re-union tour in 2015. Can't wait".


Uptown Gal


"I am a Marksman in the Police and I was sent down to the disturbances at Dale Farm in the week. We were required to open fire three times and I won a Goldfish, a Teddy Bear and an inflatable Hammer. What a day"!

PC Happy, Luton

"I think every contestant on this year's X Factor deserves to be on that stage".

L.Walsh, Dublin

JUDGE BOASTS ABOUT COURTROOM SENTENCES ON FACEBOOK

The President of the Courts for England and Wales The Lord Chief Justice was today accused of bragging to friends about a four year sentence he dished out to two youths on Facebook.


The pair who can not be named for legal reasons were given a four year jail term on monday for inciting the London riots on Facebook, but in an ironic twist the very man who dished out those punishments could now be in the dock himself for using the same social networking site.http://www.facebook.com/index.php?lh=c33b0553b979646fc90ed6f8f2574310

The Lord Chief Justice who's Facebook name is said to read 'The Chief 'wrote a status around 9pm on Monday night which read "Nailed the bastards for 4 years, Get in". A few friends of The Chief commented on his status, one male friend replied with "I didn't think you would, you wiley old fox, this calls for a couple of stiff ones". In which the Chief responded by saying "I told you I don't piss about, gave the little shits what they deserve, are you coming over then?".  

Serious Allegations

If these allegations are true the Lord Chief Justice could face losing his job and his private life in tatters. A colleague of the Lord who has worked with him throughout his career said "This is obviously some kind of hoax, his Facebook name isn't 'The Chief' it's 'Bob Bennett' because that's his real name". Im not friends with him as he hasn't accepted my friend request yet but im positive it's him, although it's difficult to make out his profile pic". Investigations are still ongoing, The Lord Chief Justice has yet to comment.

ROONEY'S LETTER TO UEFA COULD BE THE REASON FOR 3 MATCH BAN

Wayne Rooney was yesterday given a 3 match ban by UEFA, meaning he'll miss the group stages of Euro 2012. The reason for this is not the incident itself but Rooney's bad letter to UEFA, which contained poor spelling and bad grammar. This letter was leaked to the papers and is believed to have looked something like this;

DEAR YOU EFA



IM REALLY REALLY REALLY SORRY ABOUT KICKING THAT BLOKE FROM

MONTECARLO I JUST LOST MY TEMPA COZ HE WOZ BEIN HORRIBLE. SO IM

ASKING U NICELY IF I COULD HAVE A 1 MATCH BAN INSTAED OF 3? 

ANYWAY THE BOSS ALREADY GAVE ME A PUNISHMENT BY NOT GIVING  

ME ANY SPAGETTI THAT NIGHT BUT I DIDNT CARE COZ SECRETLEY

I DONT REALLY LIKE IT! LOL SO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CAN U DO THIS 4 ME AND THE BOYS

COZ THEY R A BIT CRAP WITH OUT ME.

LOTS OF LOVE

WAYNE ROONEY

XX

MURRAY DEFEATS NADAL IN JAPANESE OPEN FINAL! BUT NO ONE SAW IT.

Andy Murray beat high flying Spaniard Rafael Nadal 3-6, 6-2, 6-0 to take the Japanese Open title. Unfortunately for the Scot, the people of Britain were unaware that it had happened.


The number four seed was delighted at beating Nadal for the first time in six meetings and was expecting a great reception upon returning home, but it wasn't to be.

A spokesman for the Tennis star said "When we returned to the airport and there were no family, friends or fans to greet Andy, he must have felt upset, although you couldn't tell as he always has the same expression on his face".

Fans of the sport were bermused when told of Murray's victory in Tokyo and had no idea it was even going on. A confused Colin Mcshane from Murray's hometown in Dunblane said "I didn't even realise there was a Japanese open, but Yay, Go Andy!".

Most devastating of all for Murray will be the fact that his own Mother, Judy, who has avidly supported him throughout his career was oblivious to what was going on, even suggesting it was a prank. She told the press "I think I would know if my son had won a tournament, especially against Nadal, I think he's having you lot on, 6-0 in the final set gave it away for me, my son's good but not that good, bless him".

http://www.atpworldtour.com/

TINIE TEMPAH HAS LARGE AMOUNT OF PATIENCE CLAIMS OLD PAL

An old friend of Rap and R&B sensation Tinie Tempah has today revealed that his stage name does not reflect his personality.

Anthony Joseph, 23 from Plumstead, South London knew Tinie, real name Patrick Chukwuemeka Okogwu during their school days and feels the stage name he's chosen is the opposite of what he's really like and suggested that perhaps he should have called himself 'Large Patience'.

He explained "I remember the time we missed this bus we used to run for. I can recall being very angry, but Patrick just took it on the chin and sat calmly until the next one came along. Another ocassion on hearing the news that Patrick had got a record deal, he said to me, "Let's have a toast, celebration, get a glass out" but I couldn't find any clean glasses. So I had to wash some up, but it wasn't a problem for Patrick, he just waited, such patience".

Tinie Tempah has also been criticised in the media recently for making false references within his lyrics by claiming that he has "never been to Scunthorpe", this came to light when residents of the northern town contacted newspapers to report sightings of the rap star, with some wild suggestions of him actually performing there.

HAVE YOUR SAY!

Here is a selection of E-mails on events of the past week

Rhianna had no place taking her clothes off on that farmers land, he had every right to say something. If your not a blood relative don't do it!

 Fergus Winterbottom, Norfolk

Hey, Greece! You can have your weather back when you've paid your bills

Sean Smith, London

   Bit of advice, if your ever in a spot of bother, just pretend you don't speak English

C. Tevez, Manchester

I thought REM had split years ago! and what's all this about them being American? Very confusing.

Simon Turner, Hants